My Autistic Sister Lucky.

(My sisters name has been changed from personal preference)

When I was younger having an autistic sister was very hard for me. Sometimes I felt embarrassed, somethings I felt like she got more attention, sometimes my heart would break because she wasn't like me and sometimes I would shy away from being a good sister because I always felt guilty for not being a good enough sister. Lucky always had short hair when we were younger. When i was about 4 or 5, I decided to cut all my long curly locks to be just like her. I left the hair along the sidewalk and on our neighbors porch.

One day we were at the swimming pool and some stupid lady said to my sister, "this isn't the boys locker room," I loudly and NOT politely screamed at the lady stating that "Lucky is my sister, you dumb lady!!" I'm sure she meant no harm but i did mean to stand up for my beautiful sister. It was extremely hard for me when I got to high school and she was changing and becoming more familiar with life's natural experiences. She had taken my pants (again!!!!) and a note was left in the pocket. It was to her boyfriend!!! I couldn't bear sitting in class. I ran outside and couldn't breath. It was to overwhelming for me to handle. I wanted my big sister to stay innocent forever!

For some reason it was extremely hard for me to be my sister's role model. When she started idolising me, i absolutely hated it. I didn't want her to want to be me. I wanted her to be my role model. I wanted to idolize MY older sister. It took for me to move to Alaska and then off to college that this was o.k. I gave her every high school club shirt and her favorite was my Madrigal jacket. I know she felt so proud every time she put it on!!! I know I'm not perfect but it was in those times that I wished I had not been afraid of her being my best friend.

It's been way to long since I've seen my sister and i miss her dearly. It's so hard for me to know she cant have some of the same blessing that I've been able to experience in my life. Sometimes it's just to hard to handle. But in the end I am reminded by a few words that my mother sings" God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son." It's more then overwhelming to know that when the right time comes my sister will be become perfect next to my side!!! What an amazing day to look forward to.